The Choices We Make
by LibbyKate
Summary: Puck and Santana try to accept the decisions they have made.


**So this is what I did today haha! This is a bit more of an angsty story. I'm not quite sure whether I like it or not- but please let me know what you think. I love getting reviews so keep them coming! Thanks heaps to everyone who has reviewed my stories so far, it really means a lot and I really appreciate it!**

**Manda- as always, this story is for you. You are amazing. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Glee or any of the characters. Which sucks.**

**Enjoy!**

**Libby xx**

She's with Sam now. Isn't that what she wanted? And wasn't she the one that started it?

So how come the thought of him makes her stomach do somersaults, that she sees Puck looking at Lauren and wishes for all the world that he would look at her like that.

She's with Sam now, so why does she need Puck so badly her skin is on fire?

Her heart hurts. She watches them together and feels physically sick. She wants to turn back time, wants to kiss him against the lockers. Wants to be "Puck and Santana" again. Happy memories play like a song in her head, as she realises the one constant in them- Puck. Since forever.

And it's too much, her head is full to bursting, she has to stop it, has to fix it.

She goes to find him, needs to tell him this has all been a mistake, that she can't quite function without him. That he's been there since the beginning, and she wants him there until the end.

And then she sees them, and Santana feels like she's been slapped. Against the lockers. Her eyes aren't working properly, her ears are buzzing. It should be her next to him, she thinks. They should be laughing, should be kissing, should be showing the entire world that they are each others.

And everything she wants to say vanishes from her mind. Because all of a sudden she realises that he's made a different choice. That she wasn't it.

And it hurts her so much she can't breathe.

Santana wonders if you are able to hear your heart break. Because she swears she can hear hers crack every time she sees him with Lauren. Every time she even sees his face. She feels like it's made of glass, and there's only so much it can take before it shatters beyond repair. She can't take much more of this. Can't take knowing that she's to blame, that she started it. That she's the reason they aren't together.

The tears glitter like diamonds on her eyelashes. She needs to get away, needs to run from this scene that is like a ghost from her past, haunting her, teasing her with what she had but walked away from. She needs to run from the memory that is tearing her apart, that is making her feel like her world is ending, because her world was him.

She doesn't see him look up. Doesn't realise that Puck's face is a mirror of her own, that his eyes are full of the same sorrow and longing. That when she hurts, he does too. It's been like that since always. 

He's with Lauren, and it's what he wanted. Wasn't it? Didn't he go after her? So he wonders why whenever he sees Santana's face it's like a knife through his heart. That he sees Sam kissing her and wishes it was him.

But he's with Lauren now. So why does he want Santana so much his head aches?

He sees them together and wants to laugh at the ridiculousness of it. And all at once he realises how much he misses her. That he'd do anything to go back in time and show Santana how much she meant to him. How much she still means to him. He's knows he's the one that screwed it up. Knows they would still be together if it wasn't for him.

Out of the corner of his eye Puck sees Santana deflate at the sight of him and Lauren, and his face burns. And the memory of her touch and the taste of her skin feel like sugar on his tongue as it masks the bitterness of regret, of love lost, of what he wants but has no idea how to get back.

Her footsteps sound like gunshots in his ears as she runs away. And he wants to call out to her, wants to make her come back, wants to tell her what he can't yet admit to himself. That he feels like he's in a black hole, and she's the light at the end of the tunnel.

Regret and longing run like a ribbon between them, its silky strands bonding them together without them even realising. As they watch each other, a symphony of familiarity plays in the background as they see what they've become, as the waves of loss come crashing down around them, drowning everything out but the dull ache in both their hearts.

They can't believe it's turned out the way it has. And they both wonder how long it will last. How long it will be before they realise that they can't live without each other.

That as much as they hated to show it (but everyone knew it anyway), they really did love each other. That they still do.

That the effort of pretending is exhausting both of them.

That really, Lauren and Sam could never really fill the void that the other has left behind.

That the person who holds their heart is the one that's breaking it. And it stings, and it burns.

That they are two pieces of the same puzzle, that they fit together perfectly, and a puzzle can't be whole with pieces missing.

That they each did it because they are better off without the other. Aren't they?

That they are both too blinded by jealousy and haunted by betrayal to see what they really want. What they have really needed all this time.

Each other.


End file.
